Chapter 1
Essay Series: 滑り止めに行った僕の4年間
The Four Years I Built After Failing My Entrance Exams
Chapter: 1. 入学式
Theme: Belonging, distance, and the feeling of being left behind
This companion page is designed to help learners experience the first chapter not only as reading practice, but as a reflective Japanese text. Read the original Japanese, listen to the audio in the player area, then use the notes below to deepen comprehension, nuance, and expression.
「なんで、ここにいるんだろう」
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Chapter Snapshot
Easy Japanese Summary
主人公は、大学の入学式に来ています。まわりの新入生は明るく話していて、家族もたくさん来ています。でも、主人公だけはその場にうまくなじめません。大学名を見ても、自分の進学先だという実感がありません。心はまだ、合格発表の日のつらい気持ちの中に残っています。
English Summary
At his university entrance ceremony, everyone around the narrator looks bright and happy. Parents are taking photos, students are chatting, and the whole scene feels full of celebration. Yet he alone cannot settle into the atmosphere. Even the university name feels unreal to him. Emotionally, he is still trapped in the pain of the exam results that came before this day.
Key Vocabulary
| 日本語 | 読み | 意味 | Tatsu’s Reading Insight |
| 入学式 | にゅうがくしき | Entrance ceremony | This is not only a school event. In Japan, it often marks the official emotional beginning of a new life stage. That is why this scene feels so painful. Everyone else looks as if their new life has already begun, but the narrator does not feel that way. |
| 談笑する | だんしょうする | To chat cheerfully | This word does more than mean “talk.” It suggests ease, warmth, and natural social comfort. The narrator notices this because he himself cannot enter that atmosphere. |
| 馴染めない | なじめない | Unable to fit in; unable to feel at home | Najimenai is not only social difficulty. It often describes a mismatch between the self and the atmosphere. Here, the narrator is not just alone. He feels emotionally out of tune with the whole space. |
| 降り立つ | おりたつ | To step down into; to arrive dramatically | This is stronger and more vivid than simply saying “to arrive.” It creates the image of being placed into a scene, almost like stepping into another world. |
| 実感が湧く | じっかんがわく | To feel something as real | Jikkan ga waku means reality starts to feel emotionally true. When he says it did not come, the problem is not information. He knows the university name. He just cannot emotionally accept it as his own reality yet. |
| つぶやき | つぶやき | Murmur; whisper; inner muttering | This word is quiet and private. It fits the moment because his thoughts are not strong public speech. They are small, fragile, almost hidden from the world. |
| 胸に沈む | むねにしずむ | To sink into one’s chest | This is a beautiful emotional image. The thought does not explode outward. It sinks inward and becomes heavier. The pain is quiet, not dramatic. |
| 曇ったガラス越し | くもったガラスごし | Through fogged glass | This is a metaphor of emotional distance. The world is visible, but not fully reachable. He can see the ceremony, but he cannot truly enter it. |
| 取り残される | とりのこされる | To be left behind | In this chapter, the narrator is not physically alone. He is emotionally left behind in time. The world has moved on to “admission,” but his heart is still standing in front of the exam results. |
Culture & Context Notes
| Topic | What learners should know | Why it matters in this chapter |
| University entrance ceremony | In Japan, the entrance ceremony often feels ceremonial and symbolic. It is closely tied to hopes for a fresh start, family pride, and public celebration. | The ceremony is supposed to be a bright beginning. That social expectation makes the narrator’s emotional distance feel sharper. |
| Parents taking photos | Many families take commemorative photos in front of the school sign or entrance. It is a very familiar scene in spring. | This image represents social confirmation: “You made it. Your new life starts here.” The narrator sees that scene, but he cannot emotionally join it. |
| Cherry blossoms in spring | Sakura often symbolize new beginnings, graduation, entrance ceremonies, and emotional transitions in Japan. | The soft spring beauty outside contrasts with the narrator’s inner coldness. This contrast quietly deepens the sadness of the scene. |
| The atmosphere or 空気 | Japanese often describe social comfort through atmosphere rather than direct statements. Feeling the “air” of a place is culturally and linguistically important. | He does not simply say “I was lonely.” He says he could not blend into the air itself. This reflects a very Japanese way of describing emotional mismatch. |
| University name as identity | After intense entrance exams, a university name can carry strong emotional meaning in Japan. It may feel tied to effort, social status, and one’s imagined future. | That is why seeing “高崎経済大学” feels strange to him. The issue is not reading the name. The issue is that the name does not match the future he had been imagining. |
Language Notes
| Expression | Meaning | Nuance | Mini Example |
| 〜ような気分だった | It felt as if… | This pattern describes a subjective feeling through comparison. It helps the writer turn an emotion into an image. Here, he does not just say “I felt lonely.” He shows it through the image of stepping into an empty winter station. | まるで、知らない町にひとりで来たような気分だった。 |
| 実感が湧いてこなかった | It did not feel real to me | This is softer and deeper than “I did not understand.” The narrator understands the fact, but the feeling of reality does not come. | 合格したと聞いても、しばらく実感が湧かなかった。 |
| 音にならないまま胸に沈んでいく | It sinks into the chest without becoming sound | This is poetic Japanese. The thought never becomes speech. It remains internal and heavy. This is how the chapter shows silent pain. | 言いたいことはあったが、言葉は音にならないまま胸に沈んでいった。 |
| 〜越しに聞こえる | To sound as if heard through… | Goshi often means “through” or “across.” Here it creates distance and blurriness. The world is physically near, but emotionally far away. | 雨音がカーテン越しに静かに聞こえた。 |
| 取り残されたまま | Left behind, still in that state | Mama keeps the state unchanged. The narrator has moved to the ceremony physically, but emotionally he is still stuck in the earlier moment of loss. | みんなが前に進む中で、自分だけが取り残されたままだった。 |
Say It Yourself
Use the chapter’s language to describe your own feeling. You can answer in Japanese only, or write Japanese first and then English.
| Pattern | How to use it | Example from your life |
| その場に馴染めない空気を感じた。 | Use this when you felt out of place in a group, event, or classroom. | 新しいバイトの初日に、その場に馴染めない空気を感じた。 |
| まるで、〜ような気分だった。 | Use an image to explain your feeling, not only the feeling word itself. | まるで、知らない映画の中に入ってしまったような気分だった。 |
| 実感が湧かなかった。 | Use this when something was true, but did not emotionally feel real yet. | 合格のメールを見ても、しばらく実感が湧かなかった。 |
| 心の奥のつぶやき | Write one short private sentence you could not say aloud. | 「大丈夫かな」「ここでやっていけるかな」 |
Comprehension Check
Questions
- What details show that the people around the narrator are enjoying the ceremony?
- Why does the university name feel unreal to him?
- What does 「曇ったガラス越しに聞こえるような感覚」 suggest about his mental state?
- Why is 「取り残されたままだった」 stronger than simply saying he “remembered” the exam results?
Answer Guide
- Look for concrete visual and sound details such as smiling students, cheerful chatting, parents, and camera shutter sounds.
- The problem is emotional, not factual. He knows the name, but it does not feel like his real destination.
- It suggests distance, numbness, and disconnection. He can perceive the world, but cannot fully enter it.
- It shows that emotionally he is still stuck in the earlier moment. Time has moved on, but his heart has not.
Reflection Prompt
Reflect in English, Japanese, or both.
Have you ever been in a place where everyone around you seemed to belong, but you felt emotionally far away?
You may begin like this:
- あのとき、私は…
- まわりは…だった。でも、私は…
- その場の空気は…だった。
- 心の中では、ずっと…
Optional deeper prompt:
What kind of moment can make a place feel “real” to you? What makes you feel that you truly belong somewhere?